I’ve done it all, lengthy goal lists, SMART goal lists, and last year, I chose a word. We are a month and a half into the year and quite frankly, I can’t come up with a word. Therefore, I’m choosing to go a year without a word.
I love to create goals and attain them. I love to be able to use a checklist. Most of all, I love to feel accomplished.
Since becoming a stay at home mom, accomplishment comes far and few between. Even if I can get a project completed, it’s quickly replaced with a new one.
There are no accolades or meetings called because you managed to clean the house from top to bottom in one day. Worse yet, normally the response from the family often seems to be “great, there are some clean surfaces that I can dirty”.
The worse part of being a SAHM was the constant feeling like I had to justify my time. I had to do more than being their mother because watching my children for the day wasn’t enough.
Honestly, some of this was personal shame. I didn’t feel nearly as important as a mom.
But what didn’t make it easier was other mothers inquiring into why I wanted to be a SAHM (family and friends included):
- “Don’t you feel like your wasting your degree?”
- “Aren’t you bored?”
- “Don’t you want to show your daughters an example of a strong woman?”
- “What do you do all day?”
It took me some time to realize that my answers are, and should have always been:
Take care of my children.
I always felt like I needed to justify my SAHM-hood and just being their mom was not enough.
The truth, though, I was enough and I still am.
Funny, now that my kids are in school, I’m trying to learn how to slow down. I feel like I’m running in circles trying to keep up appearances, to keep busy.
I also, don’t want the pressure to do or be anything.
So, this year, I don’t have a word, no specific goals (except to actually lose this f**g weight) and to learn what it is to be a mother and wife without losing myself.