Sleep. Productivity. Social life. My career.

What stops me from thriving in all of these? My children.

When we lost Alexander, my life changed. Really it changed my priorities. Before it was work, social life, family. Now, it’s family, work, social life.


My sleep disruption started with Bee, my third. Ever since her birth, she was a terrible sleeper. I tried “sleep training” her, I tried letting her cry it out, but neither was effective. The only way she would sleep is if I held her; keyword here “I”. Dad couldn’t take her, friends and family couldn’t take her. Even when my husband did manage to get her to sleep, he would lay her across his legs on a pillow, get a fan going and shook her to sleep. On one hand, she would actually go to sleep instead of cry. On the other, all of the extras made it more difficult for me to put her to sleep, who became a stay at home mom after her birth.

Bee continued to sleep most nights in our bed well after Butterfly was born. She would start in her bed and come into our bed every night. We would go back and forth throughout the night. Putting Bee in her bed and her returning. This stopped fairly recently with a bribe of candy the next day for staying in her bed. It’s working.

Somehow, Butterfly has picked up this terrible middle of the night habit. Ultimately, the biggest problem is that I don’t mind them in the bed with us, I just know it’s a bad precedent if we ever want our bed back.

In short, I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in over four years.


My productivity overall has dropped drastically with my children around. I used to work a lot. In college, I was working more than 40 hours a week. In law school, while others were partying and studying, I was working about 20 hours a week. After law school, I worked anywhere between 60 and 80 a week and I loved it.

Now, I have to stop and do things like hug, kiss and love on them. We spend a lot of time reading, learning numbers and playing instruments. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “Yes Ms. Bee”. Elsa and Anna costume time? “Of course, my dears.” Want to go grab sushi? “Yes, son.” But that last one may be more for me.


My social life… what happened? This one had a slow disappearance for me. Every week, I make a choice to spend time with my kids over going out. Maybe it’s their age, maybe it’s their personalities, but I actually like them, no matter what I say.

I still like to go out and I’m tied to the community that forces me to get out of the house. Yet, I have to say cuddles, a movie and popcorn beats a lot of the nights out.

Oh, my career. Well, that’s just plainly in the backseat now. I have this ( and and that’s my career for now. This year, my business is expanding, but only around my children.


What’s your kryptonite?



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