The mirror sits idly in the bathroom taunting me, mocking me. I want to look, I want to see myself, my whole self, but often I can’t bare to look.

What I should see is the woman who graduated near the top of her high school class, to attend an awesome first tier school, to attend a great first tier law school.

What I should see is the woman who found out she was pregnant before her third year of law school, finished law school anyway, then lost my second son a couple years later and didn’t die completely inside.

What I should see is the woman who managed to work multiple jobs throughout most of this time, while managing to stay in school, never skipping a beat.

What I should see is the woman who married her love, gave birth to two more children, both beautiful daughters, and have three happy and healthy children.

What I should see is the woman who has almost made it a decade under her belt as a wife when people are getting married and divorced every day, and has a husband who cares enough about the relationship that he wants to work on it.

What I should see is the beautiful, intelligent woman that people always tell me that I am, and stand in my strengths and positivity.

Instead, when I look in the mirror…

I see a woman who could’ve gone to better schools, worked harder and achieved more by this point in her life.

I see a woman who didn’t pass the bar, thus barely has an income to pay back the mounting debt.

I see a woman who wasn’t smart enough to save or invest appropriately, so all of that extra work meant nothing.

I see a woman who’s body was stretched and deflated, leaving scars, streaks and loose skin, which can only be repaired by intensive surgery and treatments.

I see a woman who’s not good enough for her husband, one who’s undeserving of his love, no matter what she does.

I see a woman who’s inadequate, who goes through bouts of depression and struggles with feeling overwhelmed.

So I don’t look in the mirror…

I avoid it like the plague.

Catching a glimpse is hard, because it doesn’t reflect the picture of myself that I’ve been holding on to in my head. It’s a hard look of who I am today.

The look of all that I have been through and all that I know I can be.

The look of the shortfalls and the possibilities.

The look of the good and the bad.

The look of unfulfilled potential.

But I know it’s there…

Every day, I take steps because I know there’s more.

I know I’m a writer.

I know I’m an author.

I know that I’m a mother.

I know that I’m a wife.

The mirror is always there…

Showing the truth.

The truth is that I’m an ever-evolving, growing woman, who is learning to be a better me every day.


What do you see in the mirror?

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “When I look in a mirror…” Your hosts: Kristi ( and me, this week’s sentence thinker-upper, April Noelle.

Finish the Sentence Friday is a link-up where writers and bloggers come together to share their themselves with a particular sentence. If you’d like to stay ahead of future sentences and participate, join our Facebook group.  Link up your sentence prompts below!