I was raised in a church. You know the one… a family run black Pentacostal church.
Oh, the joy… 4 days a week at 3 hours a visit (at a minimum). I realize that in all that time, I never really learned anything about faith, my faith. I learned about religion, tradition, and ceremony.
As I sit here, now in my adulthood, I have finally begun to understand that I NEED to know what I believe in. I have to know who or what to turn to when I need to be pulled through tough times. There is a process to get to that light at the end of the tunnel.
With that being said, there are some questions that I had to answer for myself.
What do I have faith in? Trust in?
Why do I pray?
What do I expect from praying?
Is prayer really working?
Is faith really working?
This journey I’m on to answer these questions has been anywhere from eye opening to AMAZING.
I have learned so much about myself…and a lot of it I didn’t like.
For instance, I was not as confident, comfortable, and as dependent as I thought.
Which now created a new question, WHO AM I?
Well as you can imagine, I began to feel overwhelmed with all the self-improvement work that had to be done, but it indeed needs to be done. I am, after all, raising two daughters to be beautiful, confident, well-rounded queens. Well, I can’t very well do that if I don’t know what that looks like in me!
Since I do believe in the Holy Trinity and the Bible, I figured I start there. I needed to know what God says about me and why He feels that way. There was so much said about His feelings toward me than I ever imagined. Wow!
According to Him, I’m pretty great!
This new image of me took some getting used to. Repetition, memorization, and then more repetition of affirmations are what it has taken to slowly become who God sees when he looks at me.
The one scripture that has gotten me through more situations than I can count is found in Romans 8:37 ~
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”
Wow, MORE than? So, I don’t just defeat…I destroy. Look out trouble, here I come! This statement has given me enough confidence to attack my issues, not run from them.
This is not to say I don’t have fear, because I do. I procrastinate. I avoid. I just don’t run from it anymore. I meet it head on. I have to do it anyway, eventually.
I have not lessened the amount of my problems but I no longer spend way too much time fearing the worst before I even attempt to handle it. In turn, I stress less, and a happy mom makes a happy home. The whole house seems to feel less tension.
So, I have said all this to ask, who are you? Who do your children say you are? If there was anything that you could change about yourself, would you? If the answer is yes, then DO IT!!! I promise you the struggle to reinvent yourself is well worth it. It does take time, willpower, and determination but, it can be done. My personal opinion is that you do need a foundation to work from, a model or template, if you will. I can’t tell you what yours is but I can say that determining what it is your step one.
I know I just need to have a little faith.
Good luck for those of you who choose to start this new journey. You can do it and I’ll be praying for ya!