The Last Three Beeps

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I wonder if I can ever hear that sound again and not have tears rush from my eyes like Niagara Falls.

Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… Those last three beeps.

Last night, I was watching Grey’s Anatomy. SPOILER ALERT. 

Honestly, I wasn’t watching Grey’s Anatomy, I was watching something else On Demand. That show ended five minutes before 9 and I figured that I would just watch ABC until Scandal came on.

When I turned the channel, I never thought those last few minutes would have such a profound effect.

The last few minutes of Grey’s were the last few of Derek Shepherd’s life. All that resonated with me was the machine. Beep, beep, beep, beep…

The nurse was saying something about having to pull the plug and Meredith was telling her to wait.

Until she was ready.

Then she was, but she wasn’t. You never are.

The sound immediately took back to July 24, 2007.

I walked into the pediatrics intensive care unit to see my son alive for the last time. He had been improving since our last visit and I was so happy to see him again. I said “Hi, baby” and I heard that sound.

Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

That was it. That was all.

I wonder if I can ever hear that sound again and not have tears rush from my eyes like Niagara Falls.

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