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Ah, memories. We have so many of them. But which ones should I choose?

1 – 2 – 3 – Births of my children

With D, I went into labor on a follow up appointment and ended up with an emergency c-section because of fetal distress. His heart rate dropped. I hated the anesthesiologist because he was worried about getting to the golf course instead of waiting for me to understand the difference between local and general anesthesia.

With A, I was determined to do a VBAC. I went into labor, then went into work because I knew my contractions weren’t strong enough. My colleagues forced me to the hospital and the hospital sent me home. I returned the next morning with much stronger contractions, was given pitocin, broke my water bag, caught a fever before receiving a second cesarean.

With B, I had given up on the idea of having a vaginal birth, scheduled the c-section. I remember waiting until it was over because my pregnancy was absolutely terrible. I couldn’t move, I was constantly exhausted and in pain. I couldn’t wait to hold her – outside my body. It was the first time my hubby was there and present the entire time, but I was so sick during the cesarean, I felt terrible.

4. My Marriage

I planned my wedding in 5 weeks. I was pregnant with A, and was determined not to have a second child out of wedlock. Because of the short notice, most of my husband’s family couldn’t make it. Otherwise it was perfect. Most of the gifts were a piece of the wedding – decorations, invitations, cake, etc. The only out of pocket costs were related to ME – dress, makeup, hair. I made my own veil. I loved almost every bit of it. The things that weren’t perfect, I’ll tell you another day.

5. College Graduation

I had so much promise and so much of my life was in front of me. I went to the Black graduation because my family could see me cross and the wait wasn’t forever, like the other four graduations that I could attend. The reason that this is such a memory is that we were each able to say a little phrase. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of… “This is just a stepping stone of bigger and better things.” I had no idea what to say. I actually think this is more graceful than what I said back then. I was told it wouldn’t matter because the applause would overwhelm the sound system. The problem is that between each person, the announcer waited until the crowd quieted to read the next card. If I had known, I would’ve at least tried to say something more profound, like my colleagues.

6. Finding out I was pregnant with D

Before my third year of law school, I found out that I was pregnant. Oddly, I was not scared, worried or disappointed. I wasn’t married, my now-husband was in school in Michigan, about to transfer to Georgia. I was comfortable and at peace. I’m not sure I would quite say I was happy considering the circumstances, but I felt good about being able to do it, on my own if need be. I think this memory sticks out because I think it’s the day I really became an adult. It was a decision outside of schooling and work life that I had to take complete responsibility not just for myself, but also for another human being. The decision changed my life and I’m grateful for it. My life is forever changed.

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