All Mixed Up

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All Mixed Up

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, I haven’t written a personal piece in a while. So many life changes have been happening and I was struggling to figure out how to continue.

Quite frankly, I was trying to figure out whether I would continue this venture, this blog.

I haven’t known what to say here for a long time. I don’t like controversy. Although I love my kids, I don’t particularly like spending a lot of time talking about them.

Then there’s work. I consider myself a “jill of all trades”. I know a little about a lot of things. Enough to make an income with any of them. If I took some time, I could make a substantial income from several of them.

I just don’t.

Why?

Because I don’t want to dive into something that I can’t be “known for” in the future.

I really want to create a legacy, a life for me and my children. Not just a job for now.

I’m lucky and blessed. I have a husband who’s willing to support any option I choose.

And you would think that means it would be easy. But for the first time, I truly have a choice.

I’ve worked since I was twelve, paid household bills since 16, paid for multiple adults until I was 28 (until I got married).

Do you know how much pressure that is? The pressure of thinking that if you don’t make enough money, you’ll have a household of adults living off of you?

Most people don’t. Most people don’t understand. Truthfully, most of the people that I assisted were in pure denial that I did anything for them.

Truthfully, most of the people that I assisted were in pure denial that I did anything for them.

All Mixed Up | AprilNoelle.comThat hurt the most. I spent years sacrificing. I’m not saying I needed a pat on the back or accolades, but a pure denial sent me in a whirlwind of depression.

Now that I truly have a choice, it’s like seeing the world for what it is for the first time. I don’t have to conform to what others think I should do. I don’t have to think about making a certain income or how many hours I work.

And I don’t want to talk about any of this. I don’t want to think about any of this. There is a sort of safety and comfort in doing what others expect, especially when you know you can attain THEIR goals.

I feel like I’m falling off a cliff trying to think about what I really want, what goals I really want to set and what I want to do to get there.

This has been a piece for Finish the Sentence Friday, a link-up where writers and bloggers come together to share their themselves with a particular sentence. If you’d like to stay ahead of future sentences and participate, join our Facebook group.  Link up your sentence prompts below! Please no “link dumping.” If you include a link, comment on other posts.

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