Losing Myself in My New Life

It’s Friday. The end of Friday. My day has been long and pretty good. Started with a play date and nap time for one of them. A fatal accident caused me to be late picking up my son. A silent prayer was said. Doctors appointment, complete with vaccinations, sent Butterfly in a downward spiral. I managed to keep my spirits up. I took the kids shopping… yes, I said shopping, which I HATE. Butterfly needs sandals, desperately. It’s getting warmer here and she only has two pairs of sneakers. Off to the mall, I ventured.

Did you know people spend over $30 on shoes for an 18-month old? Of course you do. I live under a shopping rock, pretending that things don’t cost money and that people don’t spend over $30 for shoes when the child will outgrow them in a matter of possible a few weeks, much less months. These pair shoes will likely be outgrown before they even get dirty much less be worn through. Yet, in this outlet mall, there was a store full of shoes that cost over $30, none of which were designer.

But I digress. I didn’t get a partner for Ask Away Friday. After reading Tamara‘s post this morning, I see that she jumped in on some Old School Blogging with Elaine.


If you could be on a reality show which one would you choose?

Well, I have no fashion sense and hate to shop. I would’ve wanted to be on What Not to Wear, but they make you shop. The great thing about the show is they would give you $1,000 for a new wardrobe, which I would never spend on myself. I would’ve also liked to have been nominated for How Do I Look? Both of these while answering this question I have found are off the air. 🙁 I guess I’ve been out of the loop for a while. So, a show still running, but also have no hope of ever getting on is the Apprentice, since it’s really the Celebrity Apprentice and I’m no celebrity

Name one thing you have saved from your childhood?

I only have my 11th grade yearbook. I left a lot of things at home when I went to college because there wasn’t a lot of space in my dorm room. The things I left at home were lost by my parents.

If your life had a theme song what would it be?

It’s been a long time since I had a theme song or a song that felt like it mirrored my life and it was “Lose Yourself” by Eminem. If you’ve been reading some of my posts, I think this song actually might be applicable again since I’m trying to find myself and be ready for opportunities around me.

This song got me through the tough times of law school, every time I wanted to just go home and give up, in the throes of my depressions, hating pretty much everything around me, except the peace of being in class and learning.

Now, it’s getting me through transitioning back into “real life” from being a stay at home mom. It doesn’t mean I’m going back to work, but it means that I need to keep improving, bettering myself for my future, for whatever it holds.

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?
Yo His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs,
But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down,
The whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won’t come out
He’s choking how, everybody’s joking now
The clock’s run out, time’s up, over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that
Easy, no
He won’t have it, he knows his whole back’s to these ropes
It don’t matter, he’s dope
He knows that but he’s broke
He’s so stagnant, he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that’s when it’s
Back to the lab again, yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
(You better)

The soul’s escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom’s close to post mortem
It only grows harder, homie grows hotter
He blows. It’s all over. These hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he’s known as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He’s grown farther from home, he’s no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose ’cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don’t want him no more, he’s cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it’s old partner but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da


No more games, I’ma change what you call rage
Tear this m-f*ing roof off like two dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I’ve been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepped right into the next cypher
Best believe somebody’s paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can’t get by with my 9 to 5
And I can’t provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these g-d food stamps don’t buy diapers
And it’s no movie, there’s no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard, and it’s getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama’s screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I’m like a snail
I’ve got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only m-f*ing option, failure’s not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer’s got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem’s lot
So here I go it’s my shot.
Feet, fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got


You can do anything you set your mind to, man

Where is your happy place?

Wherever my kids are. Even when they’re driving me up the wall, when they’re happy, I’m happy.

What is one thing about your home that you and your spouse disagree on?

Keeping it clean. He thinks for the most part, he can drop things wherever and I have to pick them up.


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What is your favorite fruit?

Really depends on how I feel. I love strawberries, peaches, and green grapes. Frozen green grapes are best when it’s hot outside.

Bowtie or regular tie?

My husband looks great in both… Unless it’s a funeral, seeing either means something special is going on and I’m up for it! Do I get to get a new dress? LOL.

Mexican or Italian (food, not men)?

I’m from Southern California… where there is some great Mexican food. I will have to say Italian though because I haven’t had much Mexican without being smothered in cheese or accompanied by rice.

Where do you want to go on Summer vacation?

I would love to go to France for a few weeks. Yes, weeks. I haven’t had the opportunity to go back yet and I’d love to go as an adult.

What are your go-to shoes in your closet?

Sneakers – pink and turquoise Asics

Favorite Shoes


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Things I’m Thankful for…

1. Getting clarity on my future path. It’s something that I’ve been struggling with for a while. I think it’s a community organizer, starting with my first movement, Rooted Readers.

2. Not dreading the fact that Friday tends to feel like a long day.  A post coming soon on why it’s not quite so long and I have actually started looking forward to it.

3. Getting to go out about once a week, without children, and converse amongst other adults.

4. Realizing how important it is to take care of me, and starting to learn what that means.

5. Realizing that I could totally be a homeschooling mom, with my son being home this week… explanation also to be included in that post from #2.

6. The ability to move after my first trip to Crossfit.

7. The Dollar Store. It’s been my third home. 🙂

8. People telling me that my kids are cute while shopping. It means that they aren’t rolling their eyes and cussing under their breath.

9. Papa John’s for the times that I don’t feel like cooking.

10. All of the blogs that made me smile or think:

30 Days of Financial Affirmations

3 Date Night Ideas for Busy Times

30 Hilariously Inappropriate Things Kids Have Said


17 thoughts on “Losing Myself in My New Life”

  1. Hi April! So so touched that my blog spoke to your heart 🙂 And I’m with you on What not to Wear. I once volunteered to dress really bad for a few weeks just so that my friends would please please nominate me! 🙂
    So glad to have found your blog. Thanks again for sharing!

  2. Frozen green grapes! yes! And Stacy London has a new show where she does a makeover. Love, Lust or Run. I think ya gotta kind of start off looking a bit of the goth or clownish though… no luck for ya there!

    1. Yes, I’ve seen it. It’s good, but I also don’t think she replaces their wardrobe. I think she just lets them know that their crazy outfit makes a negative impression and a different look can create a better look. They all seem to be at a place in their life where they want to make a change too.

  3. Frozen green grapes (or any grapes) are delicious. Reading Ivy’s comment about Stacy London. I kind of like her new show and I used to love What Not to Wear. Stacy is cool because she and I have similar gray stripes in our dark hair. 🙂
    Anyway…so much great stuff in this post -lots of things to get to know about you!
    Taking care of yourself is important – in many ways. Make sure you do that!

    1. I love the gray stripe. She’s so classy and cool. I saw her on Wendy Williams the other day and Wendy thought she should be on Fashion Police. I thought she rejected the idea with class saying that she doesn’t like to tear people down or making fun of them. She likes to build them up and make them feel better about themselves.

  4. Raspberries are my favorite fruit, hands down. However, I did buy some green grapes this week that were so good! (They even looked so good that the bagger at the checkout joked that the cashier was going to taste-test them for me!)

  5. I hear you about the shoes! I spend more on the kids’ shoes than my own, because that’s the money I’ll have to spend for good quality shoes, and we don’t talk designer brands! It’s ridiculous to spend €80 on a pair of boots that will only see one season!

    I agree, it’s important to take care of ourselves as well in order to be better parents to our children and better partners to our better half. I tend to forget this way too often, but luckily, hubby tends to remind me to take a nap every once in a while!!

    Have a great new week, April!

    1. I wish my husband would remind me to take a nap. All too often, I just end up sitting on the bed and passing out from shear exhaustion. I found some for $12 that looked just as good. My girls are 16 months and 3 years. There’s no way they will wear them out before they outgrow them. I just need something on their feet. Plus, I’m in Florida. Whether is pretty warm. 🙂

  6. I would’ve loved to be on What Not to Wear when it was on too. Mostly for the free clothes.

    So glad you joined in with Old School Blogging (don’t forget to link up)!

  7. I can’t imagine spending $1,000 on clothes for myself! I can barely find $20 to spend on Des and he’s growing like a weed! (I’m not)
    This is a great Eminem song – perhaps my favorite.
    I love your Asics! Yes, Mexican food is often cheesy and rice-y!

  8. Pingback: Hot and Humid in Florida - April Noelle

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