Ask, Don’t Assume

How many times in your marriage have you assumed your spouse knows what you want? Even after seven years of marriage, I still assume my husband knows my wants and needs, but that’s just not the case.

As much as we wish our spouses were mind-readers, often, they are clueless to our internal struggles. We wish they would just say “I know you’re hurting” but really they are wondering “I wonder what’s wrong with them.”

Sometimes, we have to open our mouths and say something in order to make sure that know.

Find more about what I think on the subject over at Marriage, Motherhood and Missions.

Don't Assume

12 thoughts on “Ask, Don’t Assume”

  1. becominneurotic

    My fiance and I have been together nearly 5 years, and I still struggle to communicate, especially when I'm not feeling well. Sometimes I have to step back and realize I'm not mad at him for not doing something, I'm mad because he didn't miraculously read my mind, and that's unfair. I think working on communication is a constant project in a healthy relationship. Thank you for sharing this!

    1. Exactly. We've been together 12 years and married for 7, same here. I have to calm myself down because I think "he couldn't possibly even know why I'm angry" and I have say something to be mad! 🙂

  2. Ha! I think its the number 1 thing us wives (and women) are guilty of! As they say, assuming makes a — out of you and me. So I try not too, because disappointment is always around the corner! Can't wait to read the full story. Headed over now.

    1. I do it all the time, but don't realize it until I get upset. Then I have to think, why am I upset? Oh yeah, because he doesn't even know what I want. Thanks for heading over!

  3. This is so true, April. I have run into this just this week. My husband and I are usually really on the same level, but the past few weeks have thrown us off. I need to remember that he can't read my mind, and he needs to remember to ask. We both have some work to do! Thanks.

    1. Definitely! I have to remember to ask and let him know what I need too! It takes two to effectively communicate, you are so right!

  4. I have been married 20 yrs and it is still hard to tell what is going on with my spouse at certain times or with certain situations. Communication takes effort from both sides and if one side isn't doing that it is hard to figure things out. I think marriage is a continual work in progress no matter how long you have been married.

    1. My husband wants to think it's only a one-sided issue. I'm trying to get him to understand it's both of us. He's starting to get it. We both need to work on it because we're in this marriage together!

  5. Vashti Quiroz-Vega

    Hello April! I couldn't agree more. Sometimes we women forget that a man's thinking process is totally different from our own. We have 'women's intuition', they don't. We need to just be honest and open and let them know how we feel. Have a great week, my friend!

    1. Exactly! And we can figure out what he wants more than what he knows from us, unless he's also intuitive. Have a great week! 🙂

  6. Brittnei Washington

    This is so true! I try not to forget. Thankfully hubby and I are forgiving to each other and we apologize when we do forget and just move on.

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