I waited to start blogging because…

1. Busy.

Talk about inconsistency. I may have gotten one blog post done a month – planned. I worked three jobs and was never home. Did I mention I was in school too?

2. Self-conscious.

I was the person with the picture perfect life (kind of). I never pretended to have a great life, I just either kept quiet or allowed people to believe that my life was great. Since I always had a smile on my face and I stayed busy, people thought things were great with me. Or at least I think they did and I never steered them the other way.

3. Self-Righteous b****.

I had a lot of real world experience and I thought I knew everything. Of course, that’s not much different from now. I just learned to hold my tongue and be a lot more diplomatic.

4. BORING.

I was busy, but not interesting. I spent a LOT of time working. Never really delving into anything interesting. I had no hobbies, no money, I was all of the things above. I didn’t join any clubs in school. I didn’t really like life. I kept myself going because I considered one of the few in my family who had “succeeded”. I couldn’t give up on life. I didn’t want to equate success with hating life since the rest of the fam looked like they LOVED life – and they have, into different addictions and even death.

5. No clue of who I was.

Well, let’s be clear, I don’t know who I am now. I grew up wanting desperately wanting to be an attorney. No real reason except it was a decision I made when I was 8. I had no passion or drive. But I did it – almost. I graduated from law school, but never passed the bar. Not passing, it was like, now what? At least I have family now to keep my mind occupied. I’m still trying to find out who I am.

6. Depression.

I was extremely depressed. I couldn’t talk about most subjects without harping on the desperate nature of my life. I could’ve brought down the best and brightest star – or brought it down until it decided to run to a different galaxy.

7. Introspective.

I’m extremely introspective. Not only do I know when I do something wrong, I admit it. Sounds great right? Not at all, then I end up spending a bunch of time talking about how I did everything I could to make amends, then move to anger which leads me back to number 3. I would proceed to let anyone else know what I thought they should to make things better. Admittedly, I still do this, but not nearly as often and I try not to be quite so mean about it.

8. Kids

I didn’t want them. I didn’t like them. I had one and was pregnant with a second. I wasn’t married and was trying to figure out how to do it. I mean, my mother was a single mom and thousands of women across the country do it, right? So, besides complaining about it, how was I going to DO it.

9. Single

I was single. I liked being single. I LOVED being single. I loved dating. I loved not having an attachment. I didn’t want to answer to anyone or ask permission to do anything. I wanted things done my way ALL the time (see #2) because obviously I knew what was best. And what man wants to really marry a woman like that. Oh, and since I didn’t want kids, that also kept out a lot opportunities.

10. Weight Gain

Did I mention that I liked to complain? I would have complained about my every expanding bottom after (and between) my children. Not sure anyone would like to hear “Today, I went up a pant-size”, followed by “I just found out my belly could fold over itself” and “They make clothes in my size?”

This prompt was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop! Will you join me?

This Week’s Prompts

1.) When you were in high school what was your favorite song? What did it mean to you then and what does it mean to you now?
2.) 10 reasons you should be glad I didn’t blog in my 20’s. (Inspired by Wendy Aarons and friends)
3.) If you had to select a color to pick your personality what would it be? (inspired byJamie Miles)
4.) Inspired by Pinterest.
5.) Share how you came up with your kids names!

 

2 thoughts on “I waited to start blogging because…”

  1. Hey April. That is quite a list. I was touched with how honest you were. I am pretty sure I can relate to all of them. My personal favorite is that everyone thinking you are happy because you smile. Luckily I have true friends that can see and even hear beyond that. Thanks for posting. I did some reflecting as I read it. ~KIm

    1. Thank you. I'm not one who talks to friends very often and now I don't even live near them. Most of my close friends live at least hundreds of miles away.

      Hope you return soon!

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